Hero Holiday

I battled anxiety for most of my life, but I’ve gotten much better. I have been to the point where I felt like I deserved to feel this way and I should just live with it. I have been to the point where I felt motionless, nothing made me happy and everything made me anxious or depressed.

I am 16, at the end of the school year last June it truly got to me, I wanted to change schools but I was afraid to. During the summer my anxiety got worse and I started to get depressed. I stayed in my house for most of the summer and was so afraid of going on MSN. July was truly a hard time in my life. When ever I was out of my house I would get the anxiety and start panicking. I remember that I was afraid to sign up for a Facebook account. It took me days until I forced myself to get it.

On my 16th birthday in August I was alone for the whole day and mostly watched TV. I’m a social person but during the summer my SA started to worsen and got terribly bad. I did not realize I had SA until on my birthday when I researched all my problems and found out my disorder. I went to a youth clinic a week later. I didn’t tell anyone about my trip, but after going to the clinic I was diagnose with SA.

After my appointment I had to get ready for a humanitarian trip called Hero Holiday which started a week later. The trip involved, me going from Victoria BC to Abbotsford BC by myself by bus and ferry. I had never travel alone before and I would also be away from my parents for 2 weeks. I knew I had to go cause we already paid for the trip, but I was so nervous because I didn’t know anybody that was going and I almost cancelled.

The day after I got on the bus to go to the ferry. I realized I had to trust myself and build myself esteem to be able to survive the trip which lasted 2 weeks. I bought a book a day before on anxiety and mental problems which calmed my down on the way to Abbotsford. When I got to Abbotsford Holiday Inn, I met about 15 so people, none guys. My anxiety got really bad so I just went into my room and watched TV. When I went to dinner I remember not saying one word, I was really nervous. I finished my dinner and just left.

The day after we got on the bus and started our way down to Mexico. I remembering being late for the bus and when I got on I said nothing to the person beside me for about 4 or 5 hours. Then I remember we started a poker game at the back of the bus and I started to relax and got to be myself. I won and everything went good from there. I started to feel relaxed and my felt my SA was slipping away.

During the trip I started talking more and didn’t stop, I got to be myself and not what my SA wanted me to be. During the trip I was on msn regularly for the first time in 2 or 3 years. I used to be really afraid of going on msn because I felt something was holding me back. I got to meet a lot of great people, 35 or so, and I’m glad I went.

Now, 1 month after the trip, I feel like a different person compared to myself on August 16th and before. I have never taken medicine or had therapy. I had a battle with anxiety for most of my life. This trip has changed my life but probably not the way the organizers thought it would change me. I used to keep all my emotions inside and when I felt like crying or doing something that makes me stand out I just kept it in.

I feel like my SA is not much of a problem anymore. I even wore a sombrero from Abbotsford to Victoria and on the ferry. I would have never done that before, ever. I battle SA every now and then, but it’s not a problem any more. Now I’m planning to change schools and I’m hoping I will. Also, I sent out my application form for next years trip for a student leader.

The things my SA used to make me nervous doing were: using the phone, going on msn or Facebook, knocking on people’s doors, saying hi to anyone, afraid to walk in hallways, going to a social event, using instructions, getting responsibility, and many other things.

Now that trip I went on has really changed my life, I’m glad I went on it, even though my friends keep bugging me about the trip and making jokes about it. I’m better for it and hope if anyone who has battling with anxiety and SA can break through. Best of luck to you all. I never had really told anybody about my anxiety problems, but now I’m comfortable with it. Also to the people on the trip, I have got to say it was great meeting you all and knowing you, you were all amazing. If any one would ever want to talk about SA, anxiety or anything just message me or contact me

*All participants are given the opportunity to blog so many views are represented. These views do not necessarily reflect the views of Absolute Leadership Development. If you are a Hero Holiday participant that would like to share your experience please email your story (and picture, if possible) to blog@heroholiday.com

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